Family Relationships and Interaction: Friction

Friction is inevitable. Much like the friction of physics, the world would be in trouble if it didn't have friction. Conflict helps us grow, become more than we otherwise would have been. A large number of people of the world believe this (the former) to be the cause of trouble.

That is not so.

The cause of trouble is not because of friction in relationships but that we as families, societies and the world do not deal, or cope, with friction in the proper manner. Oftentimes, we choose one of two "outs": being extremely passive or being excessively aggressive. THAT is the factor in relationships which creates tumults.

I will readily admit that the "out" I typically choose is being extremely passive. In doing so, I am essentially burying my head in the sand and hoping that the problem will just go away. One of my parents is the complete opposite (keep in mind that this is through my own perspective, so any judgements are going to have my biases clouding them somewhat). I allow myself to be hurt emotionally in order that I will not hurt the other emotionally. That one parent does care to some extent about not hurting another, but the anger usually overrides any such inhibitions.

Really, it is the clashing of different, miniscule idiosyncracies that get us in trouble with another family member. Example: I like having an item shown in a certain manner, a sibling likes it to be shown in a different manner. Or idiosyncracies that are much larger. Example: I am neat and organized, a sibling or parent is more... carefree about neatness and organization.

It boils down to patience and, yes, perception. We perceive a person in our family to be going out of his/her way to annoy or upset us; in truth, that person has no idea s/he is causing an internal ruckus (so to speak). Thus, when we at last blow up in righteous fury at said individual, we make matters worse. Why? Because we hurt aforementioned family member's feelings, forcing him/her to defend the idiosyncracy which so upsets us and forcing him/her to continue with the thing annoying us. Simply put, the person is too angered to even rationally consider changing the idiosyncracy. After all, s/he reasons, why should I rationally consider changing when s/he (that is you and me) did not rationally talk with me about it?

------------------------to be continued

Family Relationships and Interaction (cont.)

The point is, perception is a gigantic factor in determining who is family, and our familial relationships and how people interact within those relationships. Case in point:

On my trip to my oldest sister's graduation in another state, I and my family had the opportunity to have dinner with relatives which we had not seen/talked to years. At first, it was uncomfortable. It wasn't long, though, before we all were having fun. It felt... good. It was surprising for me to discover I was more comfortable in that situation than when I normally am with my parents and siblings. Is that not, well, odd?

I believe that my perception of being alone and uncared for -- whether in fact true or not -- leads me to behave distant toward my family, most particularly my parents. The effect of this is that they treat me in the same manner because they are sharing back my perceptions. And my perception of the relatives allowed me to "let my hair down".

We have to be careful about what we let ourselves perceive because of the strength and power of perception to shape our "realities". If we are not cautious, we may allow those realities to be changed into something other than being based upon the true reality. And because of the warped actions brought about by unrealities, we force our environment to absorb the malperceivings and force the environment to become offkilter, too.

Family Relationships and Interaction

*everybody is slapping her* Ouch! Sorry, sorry, sorry! I completed my profile on Sunday evening instead of Saturday evening-- ouch! Cut it out, please! I need to get on with the material. *everybody decides she was punished enough and stop slapping her* Thank you.

Alright, the first topic I will expound upon is "Family Relationships and Interaction." Please keep in mind that all this is coming from my own experience and observations. If you disagree with something written, please e-mail me, tell me what it is and why you feel it is wrong. Feedback is ALWAYS welcome.


What is family? Is it comprised of persons biologically related to us? Or is family made of those whom we love - biological or not? Some people believe it to be the former, others the latter, and some more who believe it to be both. I count myself in the last group.

Whether I like it or not, I am stuck with my (biological) family. I don't get along with them all the time... more like 50% of the time. *shrugs* I did not have the choice of who my parents and siblings would be. But I do have the choice of how I interact with them. I choose what I say or do not say to them, what I do or do not do -- even what I think or do not think of them.

I also make my friends my family. In more than a few ways, I am closer to them than my biological family members.

----------------to be continued tomorrow